


Of Dreams Most Terrible and Sweet

by Lunaerys13



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Mentioned G'raha Tia | Crystal Exarch, Pregnancy, this is very specific to my WoL's story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:54:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26271457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunaerys13/pseuds/Lunaerys13
Summary: After surviving the bloody banquet, Shai Aten is relieved to be welcomed into Camp Dragonhead by her close friend, Haurchefant. But the tragedy brings back bad memories. Of course, Haurchefant is there with a steaming mug of hot chocolate like always.
Relationships: G'raha Tia | Crystal Exarch/Warrior of Light, Haurchefant Greystone/Warrior of Light
Kudos: 5





	Of Dreams Most Terrible and Sweet

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there, this piece is part of my alt Shai's story as the WoL! I have plans to write more about her in the future, so I hope you enjoy.

Blood.

It was something I was all too familiar with. The color. The smell. The _taste_. Someone—or something—was always bleeding somewhere. That was just how things were. Everyone bled for the Shadow Queen. No one ever flinched or complained. Some eagerly gave up their blood—some their own lives—in sacrifice to wake up the Shadow Queen. No one knew where she slumbered, only that she must be awoken.

It was always the same. I sat at a bloodstained table, ancient tomestones detailing forgotten magics displayed before me. I attempted to read them, but try as I might, my young mind could not decipher the words carved into stone.

Blood. The taste of hot iron would fill my mouth as I was punished for my incompetence. Salt would soon join the metallic taste as I always cried in pain. I received the harshest punishment every time. I was the hope of the Court of Shadows. I was the one with the blood of Mhach flowing through my veins. I was their key, their tool to find out what happened to Scathach.

But I was never good enough.

It was my blood that painted the lesson room. My blood that fueled the ritual circle on the floor. My blood called the voidsent. 

Even after all these years, I could not escape my hellish childhood. Even as I dreamed, I knew it was not real. But that did not lessen the pain of experiencing what I had left behind. The blood, the darkness, the screams. The incompetence, the weakness, the _failure_. 

The dreams always ended the same. A moment I wanted to desperately forget—when the cultists, my so called family, the people who had raised me, had labeled me as a lost cause and attempted to sacrifice me on the altar dedicated to the Shadow Queen.

Red. So much red. On me. On the floor. On the walls. 

I begged them to stop. I pleaded. I screamed. 

I jerked up, gasping for air. It took a moment for me to realize I was sitting in my bed in a guest room at Camp Dragonhead. I was drenched in sweat, cold seeping in from the glass windows. The fire had dimmed to embers, which explained the chill. Somehow I had ended up on my back, despite the position I usually slept in due to my pregnancy. Squeezing my eyes shut, I wrapped my arms around myself and shuddered. Naturally, after the traumatic experience at the banquet, my past would come back to haunt me. 

For a moment, all I could do was sit in the dark. It had taken me years to be comfortable with the night, after being locked in complete darkness as a child. And even now, I felt uneasy, the memories still fresh in my mind. There was no way I could go back to sleep. So with a weary sigh, I heaved myself out of bed. I winced as my bare feet touched the ice cold stone floor, jolting me further awake. I shivered.

Since we were on the run, Alphinaud, Tataru, and I had no chance to fetch our belongings. Because of that, we had arrived in Camp Dragonhead with only the clothes on our backs—and in Alphinaud’s and my case, the weapons in our hands. Haurchefant had been generous enough to take us in without a second thought. I had no doubt that he would… yet there had been a lingering fear, anxiety gnawing at the back of my mind, for whatever reason. I had not seen him for quite some time, after having left Coerthas last year. I hadn’t been sure how he would feel, having us suddenly turn up on his doorstep, asking for succor, when my current state was… this. 

But as we had nothing with us save for what we carried, Haurchefant had insisted on procuring what he could for us. For Tataru, it was a bit difficult, as lalafell aren’t exactly commonplace in Coerthas. But somehow, this man worked miracles. Alphinaud was lent a servant boy’s clothes, while Haurchefant gave me one of his own tunics to serve as a nightgown. Proper clothes would be found for us in time for the next day, he claimed, while our soiled clothing could be washed. 

So here I was, awake in the dead of night, with only Haurchefant’s woolen tunic for warmth. It was so large on me, it might as well have been a nightgown. But it was warm and soft and it smelled like him—like the snow-covered pine trees you’d find in Coerthas, with the hint of chocobo… which wasn’t nearly as pleasant. But regardless, this was not warm enough. I fetched the blanket off the one couch in the room and wrapped it around myself. Then I left the room, stepping out into the hall.

I had no idea where I intended to go. There were limited guest rooms, and in the end, Alphinaud and Tataru had insisted that I take the extra bedroom on Haurchefant’s personal floor. Tataru had especially insisted, worrying over all the stress we just endured and how it would affect the baby. Her concerns were justified, of course, so I could not deny the request. But as I shivered yet again, I realized my best course of action would be to set a fire and perhaps heat up some hot chocolate. There was bound to be some around here. 

I was about to head for the den area, which had a small kitchenette, along with the door to the lavatory, when I heard a door shut. I tensed on reflex, tightening my grip on the blanket. The sound of shuffling drew closer, a faint candlelight coming with it. I winced, turning away as it nearly blinded me.

“...Shai?”

I blinked, my vision adjusting, and looked up to see none other than Haurchefant himself. Of course it was him. He bloody lived here. Gods, what was wrong with me? That banquet left me on edge more so than when the Waking Sands was attacked. He appeared sleepy and confused, his silver hair messier than usual, his night tunic and bottoms wrinkled.

“Pray tell, why are you awake?” 

“Haurchefant,” I said a bit stiffly, feeling defensive. “I could ask you the same thing.”

He didn’t seem perturbed, simply giving a sheepish chuckle. “You caught me returning from a trip to the lavatory. But you don’t seem to be up for a similar trip. What ails you, my friend?”

I let out a sigh, forcing myself to release my tense muscles. No matter how hard I tried, I could not remain surly towards him. I looked down at my feet, wrapping the blanket around me more tightly, as if I could hide my protruding belly from him.

“I… had a nightmare. I would rather not go back to sleep.” 

His eyes widened. “Oh, we can’t have that. Absolutely not.” But concern was replaced by an easy, gentle smile. “I know exactly what you need. Come.”

He held his free hand out to me, still smiling. For a moment, I hesitated. It wasn’t because I didn’t trust Haurchefant. That was farthest from the truth. Frankly, I trusted him more than I should have. What I couldn’t fathom was how he didn’t seem upset with me in the slightest. He had never bothered to hide that he had feelings for me. And here I was, pregnant with another man’s child… a man who had chosen to leave me to fulfill his own destiny. Surely this must hurt him… but he remained kind.

I took his hand.

A few minutes later, I found myself sitting on a couch, wrapped in more blankets, holding a mug of steaming hot chocolate. I watched as Haurchefant continued to stoke the fire. Once he was satisfied, he fetched his own mug and walked over to join me. He had lit a few lamps, bringing light into the room. For a moment, all was silent, as he took a tentative sip of his drink, while I just stared into the chocolatey depths of the liquid in my mug. 

“You’re… not angry with me,” I murmured, breaking the silence. “I thought… you would hate me.” 

“Shai, I… I could never hate you.”

I looked over at him, where he sat next to me. The concern had returned to his eyes, now joined by surprise. He carefully lowered the mug down, holding it with both hands . He seemed to be at a loss, much like I was.

“You will always have a place here,” Haurchefant said quietly. “You must needs not forget—as long as you wish it, I am here for you. No matter what happens, that will never change. That I promise you.”

I remained silent, squeezing my eyes shut. Perhaps it was the hormones, or the trauma, or mayhap even both—but I found myself tearing up.

“Forgive me, I… am not used to being wanted.” I opened my eyes, looking down at my mug once again. “Well, wanted for anything besides how useful I am. Even when I was a child, that… was all my caretakers were concerned with.”

Haurchefant remained quiet for a moment, like he was pondering my words. “While your radiance as the Warrior of Light may blind others from seeing who you truly are, I promise you that I have seen past that. This is why we are friends, yes?” 

In the brief moment I had looked up at him, my cheeks burned like the seven hells. I hastily looked away, too embarrassed to meet his gaze. An awkward silence fell—or at least it was awkward to me. I didn’t know what to say. I felt all jumbled—distraught from my dreams, confused by the way my heart pounded in my chest. I didn’t understand why he made me feel this way. The only other person-

Oh.

The only other person who had made me feel this way was G’raha. And G’raha was the father of my unborn child. 

Oh _gods_. 

“...Shai? Did I upset you?”

I looked up at him in surprise, to see a worried look furrowing his brow. “No, no, I just…” I took a breath to steady myself as I set my untouched mug of hot chocolate on the side table next to the couch. “I’ve realized… I don’t want to be friends. Haurchefant, I… want to be _more_ than friends.”

Haurchefant’s eyes widened. “Shai… Wouldn’t… ahem… the father of your child mind?”

I sighed. “He’s not even around. I’m… alone. He chose the future of Eorzea over me. He… locked himself in the Crystal Tower. I did tell you about that expedition, didn’t I?”

I still could clearly recall the day he said goodbye. He had said to me… _This is what I have to do, Shai. This is my destiny. For the future of Eorzea._ And then he said… Y _ou deserve better than me._ Well, mayhap he had been right. 

“Ah… Yes, I recall.” Haurchefant frowned thoughtfully. “I… will not deny it—it has long been a desire of mine to be with you. Yet, I’ve been content to be your dear friend and stalwart ally. If this is truly your wish…”

I didn’t say anything else. I reached out to take his mug from him, setting it aside on the table. I shifted closer to him, holding out one of the blankets.

“It is,” I told him. “You… make me feel safe and warm. When I think of you by my side, the future… isn’t so frightening.”

Haurchefant took the blanket, wrapping it around the both of us. He pulled me close to him, but not onto his lap. He reached up to wipe a tear that I hadn’t noticed dribble down my cheek. The gesture was so gentle, despite his calloused fingers. He smiled softly, tilting my chin up. 

“Then I will continue to stand by your side, Shai. But no longer as a friend, but as your partner.” 

He kissed me. His lips were surprisingly soft, bringing warmth to my chilled skin. I found myself gripping the hem of his tunic as I pressed my lips to his. It felt… good. It felt right. I finally had found someone who saw me for me and not the hero I was supposed to be. When I had to pull back to breathe, I couldn’t help but smile up at him.

For the first time in a long time, I was… happy. 

I pressed my face into his chest, hugging him. I had no idea what we would be getting into when we entered Ishgard, but… I think I could believe everything would be okay now. Alphinaud, Tataru, and I would be safe with the Fortemps. I would be able to have my baby in peace. And they would have the best father in the world. 

I wouldn’t be having nightmares for a while, I think.


End file.
